I dont really remember how it had all began. But it had been an utter limit to which he could push things over this time. Things were falling apart. Wait. Things had already fallen apart. My life, work, achievements, even my future, were now history. He couldn't believe this was happening. He was still hoping that this was just a dream - a very uneasy long dream that had lasted 6 years now.
No, I still couldn't figure how it all began. But I knew who could have.
I stared into the eyes that stared back at me. Behind those hazel eyes, lies a person that I thought I knew. I was proved to be so wrong. There was a time when staring back at your own self was literally impossible. Things had changed over the past few years. You thought they did for your own better, but turned out to be much worse than you could ever imagine.
"Are you gonna go back to that shitty hole of yours, and go paint murderous dolls killing innocent babies??"
"You know me to well, yaar"
"No, Stan. I don't know you."
"You don't know me?? Well, that comes as a surprise. "
"Seriously, dude. I dont know you."
"And why would that be?"
"Coz you don't even know yourself, Stan. I don't know you."
You know how our mind works - in that random, chaotic yet relative fashion. Old talks you wouldn't recall at other times, would come flowing crystal clear on moments when you don't really expect them.
All those words that were flowing turn out to be so true. All those thoughts that flowed across a million miles from a stranger, did sound strange enough to be called unbelievable. But everything that was said, was falling into place. And it all pointed to him. And I realised. I realised that I should have ended the mess long ago. Life had been going round and round, heading nowhere and out of control. It was time.
It was as if I had actually imagine what he would be doing right now. He would be sitting in the hallway, on the couch, with on leg folded underneath and the other outstretched easily in a natural pose on the rest of the unoccupied couch - One hand having the TV remote for surfing through the channels that 97 % of the world population chooses to ignore, with the other hand having a cigarette butt burning slowly, ignored by the one who who holds, undeniably stupid enough to forget taking a whiff of the wasted burning tobacco.
Am I losing control of myself? Everything has fallen apart today. At this moment, I stand in front of myself, bankrupt emotionally, financially, physically, sexually.
And the thoughts were still running fast like cannonballs in my head. Is this the only way I could set things right? Maybe, he would want to say something.
Something? Was there anything left to say? A limit was set, and it had been breached. But then, it was as if a deep voice inside that keeps telling you no to do it - Like it always did, everytime before you made a mistake, or something went wrong. Something.
I waited. I waited to gain time. But then it was high time that it needed to be get done. I walked into the hallway. There he was, just the way I thought. No, I knew. I walked upto him. The gun came out of nowhere. It was actually that cold that November night, or maybe it was the situation that made it that way.
I heard him say - "I thought we could talk over this. But I guess you aren't in any mood of listening."
I didn't know what to say. I thought it would all end up without any talks. Only bloodshed.
I wish... Yes, I wished to do so many things before this day. I had promises to keep. But it all came up to today.
There was silence. Silence of two strangled voices that were compelled by their own conscience to keep their words to themselves. Both heads running at lightning speeds hindered by the presence of death breathing right on your neck. It was too late to walk away from everything. The decision was coming out - NOW.
"Any last words?"
"Nothing"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes"
I couldn't help but watch the trigger get pulled. A flashing bright light is all I saw, as I fell down on my knees. It still felt so much like a dream. Like a dream you had when you were a kid, when green slimy monsters would muscle out your fingers and crumble your flesh into jelly. A searing pain shot right throughout my body. I could feel my muscles weaken, my heartbeat rising to an extremely cautionous state, and then, falling back to normalcy - but not stopping there. The fall continued, as ever beat weakened, and for the first time, I felt like dying. Death was on the other side of this door. The last thing I remember seeing, was the blood on the floor.
